I’ve always been thin. It’s genetic — my daddy is about six feet tall and probably weighs 150 pounds. Of course, it would seem like a blessing for many women to eat whatever you want, not exercise and not gain weight. However, around sophomore or junior year of high school, I started longing for the typical (or should I say stereotypical) Black woman’s body: thick with a big, round butt and wide-ish hips. Fast forward to college and my intro to Women’s Studies class, I started becoming more comfortable with my body and looks, even after a guy I knew told me I would be a dime (i.e., a 10) if I was thick. From then, my mentality was “this is my body, and I like it. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to look.”
That lasted until I had my daughter Nailah In 2013. Although I’d gained about 40 pounds during my pregnancy, I wasn’t too worried about whether or not I’d get back to my pre-prego size. I figured it wouldn’t take much for me to “snap back.” And while I actually lost most of my baby weight through breastfeeding, my body was totally different — in a way, I wasn’t used to. I now had stretch marks on my tummy and thighs, though that didn’t really bother me. What really got to me was my not-so-flat tummy and my now practically flat bum, especially since I didn’t have a lot, to begin with. I was dealing with some post-partum depression as well, so in addition to feeling insecure about my new body, I often felt frustrated, sad, and overwhelmed trying to figure out motherhood while also being a wife, taking care of home, and working on my business. Logically, I knew that my body had just done something amazing and beautiful by giving birth, but I just didn’t feel good about how I looked.
My solution: Find at-home workouts to do so I could lose my tummy and tone and create a meal plan. Ultimately, having the perfect body pretty much became an obsession, and being perfect to me meant achieving an hourglass shape, complete with flat abs and round rear. I was constantly researching and looking up fitness photos on Instagram, Tumblr, and Pinterest. At the beginning of this new fitness journey, I ended up working out six days a week with Blogilates and HangTightwMarC. Before I go on, I want to point out that I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to get fit, eat healthier, or working out so you feel better about your looks. The issue comes when it becomes an obsession; you’re striving for someone else’s body; you’re letting society tell you how you’re supposed to look; you’re not being realistic about what your body can look like. Everyone is not meant to be a size four; everyone can’t have a Coke bottle shape; everyone won’t have a six-pack. And that’s okay! Now that that’s out of the way, back to the story…
At some point, I remembered reading that yoga helps tone your body, so I started researching and ultimately began my yoga practice. I didn’t expect that it would be life-changing. Not only did starting this practice help me become less stressed and more mindful, it also helped me make peace with how my body looks. And yoga taught me that while it’s okay to want to be healthier or more fit, it’s important to love yourself as you are now. I also realized that our bodies are so much more than how they look; they actually do a lot for us daily.
While I’ve gotten to the point of loving and accepting my body as it I, I still have days when I’m not feeling how I look. Here are three things I do when this happens:
- I focus on the parts of my body I’m currently loving.
- I focus on the ways that my body supports me in experiencing life
- I concentrate on the non-physical aspects I love about myself.
Whether your body is changing due to having a baby, age, or hormones, know that it’s possible (and necessary) to love yourself and your body in this present moment. And you deserve to!
I'm Ivy, The Body Relationship Coach. a Certified Wellness Coach and Body Image Healer.
I help people of all sizes and body types discover true body freedom and abundant self-love. I help you feel confident and bold in your body and at peace with being yourself at any stage of life.
Want to know what it is like to work with me? Reserve a Body Relationship Breakthrough session with me for no cost. 
